Page 2 - You can't Make This Shit Up!

Lets finally do this S**t
June 7, 2017
I never really thought about procrastination. Apparently, I put that thought off. But I am at a real crossroads in my life. I always said I would write. It’s always been my joy and an escape for me. My 46th birthday is in 1 week. In the past year I closed my business, moved to san Diego from the OC, then moved again in San Diego after our house flooded (move to San Diego “they said”, it never rains there “they said”), My youngest daughter changed schools in her sophomore year, made all new friends and got her driver’s license. My second daughter moved home after living first in boarding school for 3 years and a 6-month attempt at college. We kinda saws that one coming, being as she called home excitedly after her first week, letting me and my husband know “they don’t even take attendance in college”. So yeah, she is home. And my oldest daughter just graduated college. So basically, I went from running my own business, driving my kids to and fro, living in a small town where I knew everyone, to where I am now.
The move was a conscience choice. One made unanimously by my husband, kids, and me. We are a family of risk takers. And moving closer to my best friend and having a slower life style was very enticing. I left the OC wanting anonymity. I wanted to slow down. I needed to get some space both in my head and in our home. I went from working 40-60 hours a week to unemployment. I like to think of it more as “retirement”. But what I am learning is that 1. We need two incomes. 2. I am bored as hell. 3. I have absolutely no idea what I want to do or be when I grow up. 4. I am in that middle place. My kids don’t NEED me and so I kinda feel like I lost that job in the capacity I was accustomed to.
Here is what I know I do NOT want to do. I don’t want to be a postal worker. I hate sorting. I do NOT want to drive behind large trucks with a sign on my car that says “heavy load”. I don’t want to be a sign twirler on a corner, a car salesman, or a bank greeter. I don’t want to own another brick and mortar type establishment. I have zero experience for any type of occupations that requires special skills. I don’t want to work late at night or too early in the morning.
Yeah, so basically that rules out a bunch of potential occupations.
Writing to me is like opening a part of my brain that is like my favorite room in the house. I go through spurts where all i want to do is write, and then, I close that door in my brain. My writing is my inner voice, and quite frankly, that is sometimes a voice that speaks truths that I find easier to ignore. Painful realizations. It feels like when you get to the part of a huge mountain when you are skiing and look back up at what you just accomplished, and it is so big, and so steep, and you cannot believe you made it to this safe place. Then you realize that you are still on a slippery slope, and there is so much more to ski before you get to the flat land. I am on that precipice right now. The middle part. The middle age. Ugh.
But to know where I will go I have to really look back at where I have been. And some of what I will blog is hilarious. Some is heartbreaking and sad. If I cannot be kind I will at least be honest. Some is downright unbelievable. But I will promise anyone reader who takes this scary journey with me, it will NOT be boring.