Page 34 - You can't Make This Shit Up!

Rural Juror #3
November 15, 2017
When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty. -Norm Crosby
PART ONE
It came in the mail on a Tuesday in October. The golden ticket. I could see it through the clear cellophane of the business size envelope. My jury Summons. It found me once again. Hello old friend.
I have been summoned before. It actually seemed like I got a summons once a year while my kids were little. I always “got out” of Jury Duty. Two out of my three pregnancies I was summonsed. Then I was the sole care-giver of my little people, so I never could fulfill my civic duty. That was then...
This time was different. Not only did i have the time, but, wait for it, I was SO EXCITED!! I watch 24 hour mysteries and Dateline on a loop, and I was ready and willing to serve. “That one” talked me out of making a shirt that said “pick me” with the scales of justice in rhinestone, and a light up feature.
I had to be at the courthouse at 7:45 in downtown San Diego. I asked Skee to drop me off. The summons stated that parking was difficult and expensive at best. As we pulled up in front of the court-house we were rear ended by another perspective juror. He was 19, had never driven downtown before, and got our of his car crying. No damage was done (other than to his already fragile emotional state), so we all decided to just forget it happened. Excitement already! Into the courthouse I went.
For starters, there were over 250 potential jurors in the “lounge”. We watched a video on the judicial system. I put on my badge and took out my kindle. If nothing else, I would get a full day of reading in. Not a bad gig so far. No one gets paid for day one. Day two you start getting the whopping $15 a day. Parking is $9 and a half mile walk to the court house. Lunch is around $12-$20 all around the area. Don’t do jury duty for the money. It costs a lot to be chosen.
Over the course of the next three hours names and locations were being called. At about 11am, my name was called. There are actually two courthouses that are shaped like the letter H. The juror lounge was on the civil side, so you can ONLY imagine my EXCITEMENT when my location was on the... wait for it...criminal side!
They took 23 of us into the court room and we all took a seat on the benches where the spectators come to watch the trial. We had to answer several questions. Name, children if any, employment, and most importantly if we could be impartial. This is where the fun started. The attorneys gave an overview of the case, and so we all knew that a razor blade was involved. We were forewarned it was a bloody case. Listening to these potential jurors trying to get out of serving was like hearing why people “need” a medical marijuana card. Most of the excuses were ridiculous. The man who was sitting directly behind me and said the reason he felt he should not serve was because he was arrested in 2003 for TERRORIST