Page 21 - You can't Make This Shit Up!

Spider-woman
August 4, 2017
Passover plagues: Blood. Frogs. Bugs. Wild animals. Pestilence. Boils. Hail. locust. Darkness. Death of the first-born.
Look. I am not SAYING that the world is ending. What I am suggesting is... Well, yes, I guess the world is ending.
It never rains in California. We have been in a drought for over a decade. We moved to San Diego and within 5 months, our house flooded in a HUGE storm. When I say flooded, I am talking flash flood. Up to ankles. Mud and water throughout. We had to move.
New house. Same city. Week 2, frog in the house. Flood... then frog. See where I am going with this?
But Tuesday night, the first day of August, was the topper. When “the one who shall remain nameless” went to our kitchen for a late night snack, she was met with a VERY uninvited creature.
The blood curdling scream of “A SPIDER, A BIG SPIDER, SHIT, IT IS A FUCKING TARANTULA”, sent us all running into the kitchen. What we found, what I will NEVER get out of my mind’s eye, was the biggest, scariest, hairiest, eight legged creature I have EVER seen.
It looked like one of those Halloween decorations that are even too gross to buy. And it was alive.
The screaming ensued. Skee, woken out of a dead sleep, came into the kitchen and without his glasses, put his face WAY TOO CLOSE to investigate. Then he grabbed his glasses, and a juice container and somehow, without screaming, got the tarantula into the container. Then proceeded to wrap it all up with duct tape. He then calmly went back our room.
What the hell??? I was NOT ok ( I am still not). I posted the picture i took to our fb Scripps ranch information exchange. It was about 11:30pm. Who knew all my neighbors are up so late? (I am usually asleep in bed by 9). What followed was 24 hours of the most HILARIOUS comments, memes, and pictures.
Here are my top 5 favorite responses. There are over 450 now on Facebook.
1. “did you steal the tiki”. (Brady bunch tarantula episode September 22, 1972) 2. “Burn the house down.”
3. “On the upside, you can probably sell tickets at Halloween for a home tour” 4. “Wtf, Run Alli run”.
5. “Can you DM me, my 9 year old would like to adopt it”.
I did not sleep a wink. First thing in the morning I called a extermination company. They said they could come out early next week. Remember the scene in “Terms of Enderment” when Shirley Mclaine is