Page 62 - You can't Make This Shit Up!

48... and counting
June 14, 2019
“The hardest part of a mother’s job is to teach her children not to need her anymore. The hardest part of that job is accepting success.”
I actually sat down this morning to write a resume. Lily graduated High School 2 days ago, and so come August, Skee and I will be “empty nesters”.
Tomorrow I will complete my 48th rotation around the sun. Double even numbers. Late 40’s. 2 years till 50. Once again, I find myself the oldest I have ever been.
For the last 24.5 years I have defined myself as a mom. Anything and everything else in the past 24.5 years had been “in addition to” or “on the side” of that honor and great responsibility. I sort of remember having a “plan” to have a “life” AFTER we raised our girls. Now I will confess, I have NO idea what that is!!
I was laying in bed trying to think of what “skills” I have. What “job” would make me happy, pay ALOT, and let me grow. Again, came up with a whole lotta nothing.
I have worked while raising my girls. I fell into a 7 year Human Resource Manager position. I had LULU Too for almost 6 years. I also did pampered chef, watched other peoples babies, and cared for an elderly woman with alzhiemers and dementia. In between picking up little jobs here and there. Main focus ALWAYS being on my girls.
The mother skills I have don’t exactly lend themselves to the corporate world. Where on the resume do they ask if I can evenly distribute the sprinkles on the cupcakes so no one feels like they didn’t get their share? Being able to host a teenage sleepover with 40 pre-pubescents doesn’t exactly translate to high powered associate. Negotiating bath time and forcing showers on stubborn toddlers? Yep, no space to expand on that skill. I am the Jack of of mothering, the master of what????
I guess 48 is middle age? I would have to say, this is my middle age crisis. If not crisis, then middle age angst! What do I want to be? What do I do now that I AM grown up?
So this years Birthday wish? I wish to be Brave. I wish I will take risks and shoot high. I wish I find my happy. I wish I look back on this year with pride. That I am graceful in my pain of letting go. That I give my children their wings and space. That I learn to be more like THEM. Fearless, strong, ambitious, focused and unafraid. Cheers to 48.